Psalm 22
1 My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me,
so far from the words of my groaning?
2 O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, and by night, but I have no rest.
Sometimes we understand these words written by David more than we'd like to. There are times in life where we wonder just how much more we can take. If it is true that God will not give us more than we can handle then why is it that there are times in life when we feel stretched beyond what our mind can even comprehend? How is it that we can hurt so deep, to the breaking point and feel as though we have nothing left to give and nothing left for God to take? It can seem as though God does not hear our cries.
Recently I have had more than enough opportunity to wonder how much God will allow in my life before bringing deliverance. My life has had so many struggles lately that family, friends, and even those I work with have wondered aloud why God is allowing so many trials in my life and the lives of my loved ones. I must admit that I have wondered why as well. But you see, I don't allow myself to linger on that question too long as I have walked down this road before and I remember God's answer to me. For me, God often speaks to my heart and tells me that the 'why' is not for me to know or understand, but my FAITH in Him is the goal.
Websters dictionary says that Faith is
the firm belief in something for which there is no proof. I don't have proof that God is working the trials in my life for my good, but I do have faith that He is....even though there are times that I cannot even fathom how a good thing can come of my circumstances.
You see, I don't often see when God is strengthening my character and shaping me to be more like Him, or when the faith within me is growing. Sadly, what I have learned is that for me I sometimes have to be brought to the end of myself before I let go of my own will and allow God to shape me and lead me. Oh how I wish it was not so, but my perceived strength is my weakness ....and when I am so weak that I can barely utter my petitions to God in the whisper of my cries....this is when my Savior comes in and makes me strong by His power. By His strength I am able to live through another day of tribulation....even when I don't like it.
It seems that the more I protest that I don't 'like' my circumstances, the more God teaches me that His perfect Will for me does not change depending on my ever changing emotions and what makes me happy. Truth is truth, and if I am a believer as I profess I am, then I have to lay down my ideas on life at the foot of the cross and tell my Heavenly Father that I will be an empty vessel and allow Him to fill me with whatever best serves His Kingdom.
It is the breaking of my own will that hurts so severely. My desire for the good health of my friends & family, the wisdom to raise my son to be a Godly man, a job that provides well, a husband to share my life with, my own healing from Lupus, and my desire for a more peaceful life and spirit.....none of these desires are bad, but the problem comes with my expectation for them to all happen in the timing and fashion that I have pre-planned. God's plan is rarely similar to my own.
As I type these words I find that my emotions don't equal my conviction. I know that what I profess is true, but there are days when circumstances just stink and we struggle.....I struggle. But even though God hasn't promised to deliver me from adversity, He has promised to walk with me and carry me when needed. He counts my tears, and in this I find comfort.
I began this blog entry with Psalm 22:1-2 and I would like to end it with verses 3-5
Psalm 22
3 Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One;
you are the praise of Israel.
4 In you our fathers put their trust;
they trusted and you delivered them.
5 They cried to you and were saved;
in you they trusted and were not disappointed.
God will deliver us, and may we each have the faith and patience to wait upon his perfect timing!
